It’s crazy how many people do not know about ‘Love Yourself’, what this means and how loving yourself can change your views and your future goals.
“LOVE YOURSELF” BEFORE YOU LOVE ANYTHING ELSE
I can understand sometimes it is hard to love yourself as you are so involved in the world and the social media around you, you may feel less good about yourself and down as to what you have or are at the moment. But you need to take a step back and appreciate and love everything you are and what you have. This is why it is good to sometimes take yourself away from the media and concentrate on yourself.
Everyone’s heard this self help platitude: We need to love ourselves before we can love anyone else. This may sound wise, but it misses a great truth; if we want to experience true intimacy, we need to be taught to love aspects of ourselves–again and again–by the people around us.
As much as we want to control our own destiny, the humbling truth is that sometimes the only way to learn self-love is by being loved-precisely in the places where we feel most unsure and most tender. When that happens, we feel freedom and relief-and permission to love in a deeper way. No amount of positive self talk can replicate this experience. It is a gift of intimacy, not of will-power.
Yet if our vulnerability is met with derision or disinterest, something tender shrivels and retracts within us, and we may think twice about ever sharing. When our authentic self doesn’t work in the world, we create a false self which lets us feel safe and accepted–but at significant cost. The great psychoanalytic theorist Donald Winnicot said, “Only the true self can be creative and only the true self can feel real.” I would add that only the true self can bear the risk of deep intimacy.
Every time we face the choice to share our deeper self, we stand at a precipice. Often, it’s just too scary to take the step forward.
Imagine taking a pet you love and putting it in a yard with an invisible electric fence. When it moves outside its allowed space, it gets stunned by an unexpected shock. It will only take a few jolts before your pet gets the message: if it goes too far, punishment will be instantaneous. In a short period of time, your pet won’t act as if the borders even exist; it will simply avoid them. If pushed closer to the danger zone, it will exhibit increasing signs of anxiety. The world outside the fence just isn’t worth the pain.
Now imagine turning off the charge from the invisible fence, and then placing a bowl of food outside its perimeter. Your pet might be starving, but it will still be terrified to enter into the newly free space. And when it finally crosses the line, it does so with trembling; anticipating the pain of new shocks. It is the same with us; even though we yearn for the freedom of our true self, some deep reflexive instinct still tries to protect us from being hurt again.
We can each learn more about our true and false selves by answering these two questions:
* What parts of your authentic self did you have to hide or camouflage in your childhood?
* In your current relationships, where are you confined to too small a space? What parts of yourself are you not expressing?
I’ve found that we tend to be ashamed of our most unique, passionate and iconoclastic parts. These aspects of ourselves threaten our safety, they are the direct path to love and, not incidentally, to personal greatness. When we suppress these challenging gifts, we’re left with a sense of emptiness and loneliness
This shame around our most vulnerable attributes is almost universal. And even our best thinking will barely budge it.So, how do we free ourselves from the thrall of learned shame and fear around our gifts? The best–sometimes the only–way out is through relationships; relationships which instruct us in the worth of our most vulnerable self.
Of the people you know, who sees and relishes your true self? Who isn’t too afraid of your passion, or too envious of your gifts? Who has the generosity of spirit to encourage you toward greater self-expression? These people are gold. Practice leaning on them more, and giving more back to them. They are, quite simply, the way out. They are what I call relationships of inspiration, and we usually need to build these relationships into in our non-romantic lives before we find them in our romantic partners. When you date someone like this, recognize what progress you’ve made to let them in, and celebrate that. In future posts, I will describe the path to building more of these relationships into our lives.
To love yourself means to accept yourself as you are and to come to terms with those aspects of yourself that you cannot change.
It means to have self-respect, a positive self-image, and unconditional self-acceptance.
Needless to say, it does not mean being arrogant, conceited or thinking that you are better than anyone else. It means having a healthy regard for yourself knowing that you are a worthy human being.
It is important to remind ourselves that no one is perfect.
We all have strengths and weaknesses and we certainly possess the resources to work on improving ourselves.
Each of us is unique and has specific talents and abilities to offer.
In order to appreciate yourself it is up to you to discover what makes you unique and to further develop those talents. We have a responsibility to ourselves to do so.
You cannot sit around and wait for approval from others. Work on accepting yourself. You are the only “you” that you have. It is in your best interests to be the best you can be.
Until you love yourself, you will not be able to love anyone else. You can only love another to the degree that you do yourself.
How do you love yourself?
You do so by investing in and working on your personal growth and development. You work on being the best you.
You understand that you are human, but you acknowledge that you have the potential and spiritual capability to rise above whatever conitions and obstacles are put in your path.
When you love yourself you endeavor to take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. You take care to look and feel your best by nurturing your body, mind and spirit.
Conversely, if you don’t love yourself enough, start taking care of your body, mind, and spirit. You will not only become more self-aware, you will generate feelings of worth and accomplishment.
You take care of your body by eating well, exercising and getting plenty of rest. There are many wonderful books available that can help you learn what types of food and exercise are good for you and your particular body
Your mind needs nourishment and exercise too. Don’t take it for granted. Stimulate it by learning about new and interesting things.
Keeping your mind active helps prevent certain old age diseases such as Alzheimer’s and dementia.
Keeping the neural connections of your mind active helps maintain memory and brain functions at optimum levels.
If you take care of your mind and body but neglect your spirit, you will lack balance and feel that something is missing in your life. Taking care of your spirit rejuvenates you, and helps you deal with the daily stresses and challenges of everyday life.
When you love yourself, you invest in your personal growth and development. You endeavor to be the best that you can be, and you strive to achieve your potential.
Hope you enjoyed today’s read, please ask away questions you may have
For one to one coaching on loving yourself and what can help, please send me a message and I’ll get back to you.