Day 15 – Self-Confidence….

Do you know what self-confidence is?

Self-Confidence is the ability for you to judge your own social and personal standing with respect to his environment and to get satisfaction out of it. Self-confidence is influence by many factors, society, upbringing, work environment, and dedication to perusing a cause. High Self- Confidence is an important factor in improving business ties and balancing personal life with work.

How confidence can help you excel through life’s challenges, you know it takes a lot to bring your inner beauty out and it’s all mainly to do with strength, positivity and believing in yourself. Have that bit of confidence isn’t as simply for some people as others.

Everyone begins life at the same stage, however, you’re all born into different societies and families. Confidence is to believe in yourself and not letting anything or anyone hold you back from speaking out or walking through different objects in life, not doubting yourself and being able to stand up strong and know you can do things in life. However, don’t confuse Confidence and EGO, one is to believe in yourself and know you can achieve goals in life, speak without being shy, the other however is, Walking and speaking to people like you’re sort of better than them and thinking you are the only one who is good everyone else are not. Please please don’t get the two mixed up, it’s not good.

Confident people know what they want and will work hard to achieve their goals, you need to be able to take into account what others are doing and not to turn selfish and only focus on you. As you learn to help others and achieve your goals, you’ll believe in yourself more and confidence will come naturally. While as Egoistic people, are very shallow and selfish, they tend to think they are better than everyone else and things should revolve around them. Which is definitely not true. Just make sure not to get stuck into the wrong confidence level. You want to become brave and believe in yourself, but not over confident when you start to think everyone else is lower than you.

High Self- Confidence

Usually people with high self-confidence approach their problems differently as compared to others. They know the importance of building good relationships and hence, they love meeting new people and sharing new ideas. It’s this which makes them likable, as they are always willing to be in a conversation that gives equal importance and respect to all those who have participated. Confident people love expressing their ideas in front of others, as they are emotionally secure to take on critics and reject emotional ones. It doesn’t mean they are arrogant, as they give everyone the chance to put their points forth. They are confident enough to stick to their decisions, this isn’t selfish just needed when you want to achieve your goals. There are two outcomes to any decision, either it turns out to be correct or you fail, however, you’re confident and not a total ass when you don’t boss around on detractors when you succeed. Also, a self-confident person has the humility to acknowledge his mistakes and learn from them when they fail. The objective to success and failure is what makes a confident person a lovable and respectable personality.

Who are Under-Confident people?

When you compare these people to the ones with high Self-Confidence, these people have a very critical and low view of themselves. It’s sad to see how they feel about themselves, prone to take on more emotional decisions opposed to thinking rationally. They try to shun new company and avoid meeting new people. An under-confident person tends to feel that they have nothing consequential or constructive to add to any process. This feeling of low self-worth, combined with a complete denial towards any change, makes an under-confident person extremely susceptive to mistreatment and undervaluation. People with low confidence hesitate in sharing their thoughts and opinions, as they think their views will be ridiculed in public. In addition to this, their past experiences and interactions with people have not done anything to enhance their self-worth and change their views about their productivity and importance. This is where a productive atmosphere comes in play. Every person learns from his surroundings and your self-confidence depends directly on the kind of people you meet and the type of discussions you have with them. While self-confident people interact with people whom they have something to learn from, under-confident people are convinced that they cannot change and are going to be undervalued in spite of what they do

Effects of Low Self-Confidence

Every day you need someone to look up to and idolize, this is so you can follow and see your talents, achievements, and progress in comparison to that person and constantly improve. This is exactly what self-confident people do, interacting with others and putting ideas into the public to gain perspectives, they constantly improve their skills and knowledge. But what happens when people stop doing this? They can lose focus , as they don’t have anyone left in their life who can stabilise them when they are getting a drift. When interaction with society is stopped, a person tends to think about himself and that reflects in the way he accepts criticism. Even constructive criticism for the work will appear personally to someone, the approach has become extremely self-centred by then. People with low self-confidence tend to think they have no talent or skills to complete a task or even be appreciated for doing the task. To be honest even a praise for good effort will come to them as a surprise and even then will take that as fake appreciations. People need some positive images about themselves so they can find their strengths and weaknesses, people with low confidence often go into mental state where everything becomes a weakness and every observation appears personal, this leads to more self-degradation.

Self-Confidence Vs. Self-Esteem

he word esteem comes from the word estimate which means to grade yourself on a standard. Self-esteem means to evaluate your own value and contribution in your professional and personal life.

If you think that you are important to the people around you, are contributing to the development of your surroundings, and are a valuable asset in other people’s lives, then you could say that you have a high self-esteem.

In other words, a person with high self-esteem thinks that he is worthy of the world he is in and understands his significance. While self-esteem is dependent of the perception of self, self-confidence is completely different.

Self-confidence, on the other hand, is related to action and is more domain-specific. It’s not an absolute observation as self-esteem, in the way that self-esteem is thinking of your worth in relation to the world. On the contrary, self-confidence is your positive self-assessment in performing a task.

A person who is confident of his abilities in one task might not be so when given another one. Hence, self-confidence depends on the task given to perform and on your own ability to do an action.

Self-Confidence Worksheet

The following quiz will ask you a set of questions about how you rate yourself on different facets of human life. The questions are all on a True/False basis so the participant is instructed to self-evaluate before answering the questions.

After having taken a decision, put a tick on the box and introspect. The ideal time complete this activity is 10–15 minutes, however the participant can take additional time if he needs.

S.No. Questions True False
1 I have difficulty in accepting myself the way I am.
2 I constantly worry about changing my appearance.
3 I am more worried about my failures to celebrate my successes.
4 I think many people would not be fond of the real ‘me’.
5 I feel everyone is more confident and deserving than me.
6 I avoid taking new projects and challenges as much as possible.
7 I feel underrated around successful people.
8 I am always worried about not making mistakes.
9 I feel that I am incompetent and low on talent.
10 I feel worthless.

Note − If the number of ticks you give yourself on the True column exceeds 5, you know you have to bring a drastic change in your self-image and confidence levels. People who get scores upwards of 7 should really seek assistance.

Improving Your Self-Confidence

In the following pie-chart, we have a percentage-wise representation of the amount of belief you have on your abilities. Kindly fill that sector of the pie-chart that you feel is suitable for you.

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If you have 100% belief on yourself, select green.

If you have 75% belief on yourself, select yellow.

If you have 25% belief on yourself, select brown.

After you are done with the self-evaluation part, and have selected brown, think about what qualities would be needed in you and what changes would you have to make so that you can take yourself to the green block. List them down in the Self-evaluation Table provided below

Self-Evaluation Table

Criticism of the Inner Voice

It is often observed that small children, especially those who have working parents, tend to channel their loneliness in the form of an imaginary friend. They talk to this “friend”, ask opinions of him and generally are comfortable with the idea of an invisible but constantly present friend.

Most of them grow out of this phase in life when they start going to school and start making actual friends, but the voice always stays with them. Many people tend to give themselves either positive self-talk in the time of seeking motivation, or negative self-talk in the time of handling failure and subsequent criticism.

 This inner voice is what psychiatrists call “the inner critic.” It is a voice inside you that constantly talks to you, informs you, reminds you, and most often than not, instructs you. You trust this voice because it is familiar and most of the times, it speaks what you would like to hear.

When this voice speaks well of you, motivates you, and asks you to aspire for higher success in life, it is doing the job of a conscious observer. However, there are times when this voice, inspired by the surroundings you work and live in, berates you, criticizes you, constantly compares your achievements to that of others, causing you to chase impossible targets that you end up setting for yourself.

 Handling Criticism of the Inner Voice

Just like any unreasonable person who is hell-bent on proving you wrong, the solution to tackling and eventually silencing the “inner critic” is also in having a calm, logical, and resolution-oriented talk with it. Try to enter a calm discussion with it as that will help you identify areas where your approach is not what others expect out of you. It will help you realize where you are going directionless so that things can be brought back to track.

This is where you have to invoke what we had discussed in the beginning − sometimes you have to believe in yourself, simply because nobody else will. This inner voice, or self-critic, is nothing but your voice fighting for a lack of confidence with your ability. The best way to silence it is to prove that you have the skills needed to bring a particular task to its conclusion.

Cultivating Compassion

There is nothing wrong in having a few imperfections. Given a wish to change a few things about us, many would wish they could change or modify something or the other about themselves. However, that doesn’t mean that we will continue hounding ourselves with an extremely critical view of things. For the same reasons, we must be compassionate in assessing others on their work and performance.

Compassion is a winning quality, in the sense that people with inspirational personalities often are compassionate towards fellow co-workers and other people in general. It’s a quality that prevents us from being too critical and demanding of others and ourselves and allows scope to understand issues on a practical basis.

Compassionate people use specific and pleasant language while interacting with people around them. They feel comfortable with explaining their ideas and taking suggestions from others, irrespective of the professional hierarchy they share with their colleagues. They forgive mistakes and learn from them, have an acute awareness of their strengths and know how to use them to their advantage.

It has been found that when someone empathizes with the people he is talking to, the other person tends to feel more comfortable in sharing personal issues that are influencing his professional life and performance. Compassion makes it possible for people to step into other person’s shoes and understand the situation from that perspective, which is the hallmark of brilliant communicators.

 

Responding to Criticism positively

In a world that is as competitive as the one that we live in now, there is every chance that the work you put up for inspection or approval will be met with criticism. It could come from peers, seniors, and colleagues who have worked with you in the past or have known you for a long time. While some critics could be justified in their observations and following them could really bring in a lot of improvement in your product, there will be a few who would pass judgement purely based on emotional reasons like personal hatred, jealousy, one-upmanship, etc. Remember that you cannot satisfy everybody. It is just not possible. There will always be scope for improvement, but you need to think practically as to what is the set of parameters that you need to keep the quality of the output under.

A self-confident man would be really quick in finding the difference between both. He would appreciate and acknowledge the errors and areas of improvement as suggested by the constructive critics, while ignoring the criticisms of the latter.

The real reason people face an issue dealing with criticism is that while doing their work, there are chances that you get attached to your output and an emotional bond forms. Imagine a chef who lovingly and caringly prepares a soup. Now when faced with a set of judges, who pick and analyze every single ingredient and herb, a person is bound to feel that the judges are slightly unemotional in their assessment. It is this divide that causes the initial tension in every feedback session. A person should remember that emotions and personal dislikes have no place in criticism.

Now how to know whether a criticism is just and constructive? The first thing we should check is whether the criticisms are practical and flexible or are they draconian. They should allow exceptional cases and individual capability. In general, be wary of criticisms that use words like − “never, completely, all the time, totally”.

You should also check for yourself and see if the value they are expecting out of you is achievable or not. If no, then they are setting unrealistically high expectations on you, and it will only lead to bad news if you start entertaining those thoughts.

In a professional scenario where many talented and creative-minded people work, there is always the chance that someone suggests some modification or change or enhancement to your output. If the objective of that feedback was to produce better performance, then it is justified. However, if the feedback is just to point out vague errors using personal dislike of a thing, then those criticisms are valueless.

Taking Compliments

Any criticism should be productivity-enhancing rather that restricting. If you realize that the feedback you are getting is only bringing lesser productivity and more negativity in your mind, you will know that your work is going to be substantially hampered in the long run.

But just as important it is to take criticism with an open mind, it is also important to accept a compliment properly. A compliment is an acknowledgement of work well done and that in itself is a reason to feel happy. However, there are people who get nervous or unnecessarily modest when taking a compliment. They reply with words that suggest they had nothing to do with the result and almost suggest that everything happened on its own.

hese people need to realize that in today’s competitive world, everybody expects the very best out of you; so even if you have done a really good job, people might say that you were only doing your job. In situations like these, genuine praise is hard to come by. Hence treasure and cherish those moments when your hard work gets rewarded.

There will always be people who would shower praise and compliments so as to get a favor from you. Those people should always be kept at arm’s length as they are not praising, but flattering which is the first step before a fall.

 

Defining Resilience

Resilience is the quality that helps an individual bounce back from failures and gain his focus back after learning from his mistakes. Joy and disappointment are a part and parcel of human life. While many would sink after a debacle, a resilient person would analyze his shortcomings in his previous attempts and come back with much more preparation and determination than ever.

Psychologists point out the quality of resilience as the most sought-after quality in todays’ youth. People now are much more adaptive to changing environments due to the globalization of business, as compared to people two decades back.

This change can be squarely attributed to the changing dynamics at the workplace, need for energetic and focused performers, and the need to be able to recover from a spot of bother in a short period of time.

Resilience can help you deal with sudden changes with working environments and unforeseen circumstances that may come up at work. Nowadays, the ability to quickly change and adapt to a new situation, and to be productive in a new situation are the need of the hour.

Maintaining Flexibility

Life is a hard teacher. It lets us fail a test first and then delivers the moral of the lesson. While many might find it unjust, that is the way things are. Now it is up to you to either keep complaining day in and day out about bad luck, missed opportunities, and the way things are going wrong in life. Or, you could decide that enough is enough and it is high time you got success in life.

We are surrounded by people who have faced at least one big failure in their life. Whereas almost all succumb under the weight of that one big guilt, there are a few who used their failures as a springboard to climb to greater heights.

These people are not extraordinarily talented. All they have is a clear mindset and a clear purpose in life. They know exactly what it is that they want in life and they pursue their goal with dedication and passion. That is the reason they value relationships and give equal importance to other people in their team. They are very willing to adapt or change the action plan based on someone else’s accurate analysis of a situation. This flexibility is what makes them adapt to the quickly changing world

 

Cultivating a Winning Behaviour

Humility is an endearing quality to a lot of people. There’s a saying that greatness awes you, familiarity connects you. Humility makes people love and respect you as they equate your success with your being humble. Nobody likes a person who’s arrogant and excessively proud of his achievements.

Having said that, even humble people fail at times. The difference is in the way of accepting a failure. Where aggressive people will try to turn around and blame anyone in their line of sight for a failure, a humble person would first look inwards and identify areas of improvement in him, before passing judgement on anybody.

The way you behave with people is the way they remember you as. Self-centered arrogant people don’t carry an influential aura around them. They were successful despite their superior attitude, and not because of it. People would do well to understand the difference. Anyway, the times of these kinds of bossy people have long come and gone, for good. Also, it’s always better to immediately accept your mistake and take responsibility, so that ego-related problems end as quickly as possible. It is only then that you can plan on the next steps and get back to a successful life.

Creating Relationships

 

When you are talking of creating healthy relationships, you are talking of quality, priority, and flexibility. No relationship can survive on aggression and complete control lying with one person only. Inviting and encouraging people to share their opinions with you makes them feel equal and important, which in return, helps them in contributing better.

Passion is very important to be a success in the face of adversity. It is the quality that can inspire people to continue pursuing their goals, as passionate people don’t equate things they are passionate about with work. Senior recruiters always give more importance on the amount of passion a young candidate has towards his job. The reason being that if his passion goes beyond mere earning and feeding the family, then he will one day dream of creating something new and bringing a new initiative for the company.

However, one very important, and equally neglected quality that is so ingrained in the personalities of successful people is their sense of humor. It is not something you are born with. People have to work hard at cultivating it. The reason they give it that much of importance is because humor draws people closer. No one is more endearing than a person who makes a mistake and has the guts to make a joke out of it.

That’s a temperament not many possess, but the reason they do so is because they want failure to tide over as soon as possible so that they can focus on the next venture. They are emotionally stable with people cracking a joke at their expense, as they realize the comfort level someone shares with you to be able to do that.

Self-Confidence – Conclusion

Self-confidence is only an umbrella term for a lot of things. Emotional constraint, humor, empathy, resilience, string relationships, all go into creating the personality that exudes self-confidence. A self-confident person would know how to say things that are honest without hurting other’s sentiments. A self-confident man also knows how to be heard with dignity, when there is a difference of opinion. All this takes practice, but the most important thing is the belief that you can be better. This is the cornerstone for any improvement in the world.

Thanks

KB

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4 thoughts on “Day 15 – Self-Confidence….

  1. WOW! A jam-packed, informative and helpful article, KB! Appreciated your concluding remark about believing we can be better. Our self-confidence is not at a set-level based on personality or circumstances. We can always grow stronger, and you’ve given us beneficial tools here to make that happen. P.S. Thank you for becoming a follower of my blog, From the Inside Out. I pray you’ll find the posts meaningful when you’re able to visit!

    Liked by 2 people

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