Day 6 – Concerned about being set-up on a Random Date?…

Just thought about all those people double thinking about going on a random date… is your pride getting in the way or do you not have the confidence to meet someone random, a total stranger, well – don’t worry, it will be ok once you go through the below. Happiness is just a step away and you might just find that soul mate, like I did …

So, when I was younger being from an Indian background where arranged marriages were normal, this wasn’t so normal for me, I’ve been raised in the UK and born here so things are a lot different. My parents both came to London from a young age so this wasn’t something they would force upon me. However, arranged marriages the traditional way were pretty crazy I say, I don’t think I’d be able to cope with marrying someone I’ve never seen before or spoken too. It was like parents would meet, see each and like each then confirm ok My Son will marry your daughter kind of thing. Bit strange for me, but then again this used to work for them back in the day. Now, things are a bit more westernised let’s say well actually you can go two ways, very westernised or semi westernised.  The Semi- Westernised way is to be introduced to someone, call it a date, Just like meeting someone on Tinder or Happen. For example, Me and My husband met this way, and to be honest it wasn’t bad…

Here is how I met my best friend and soul mate. My Friends Grandmother came round for tea as they know the family very well, she met me had laughs and thought let’s introduce her to another family friend of theirs who they also know well. Now, firstly you kind of think will they like each other, what are they like, will they match etc, but then it comes to asking me what do I think? My friends Grandmother was clearing thinking when she was talking to us in our home but didn’t say anything. Soon as they left, she asked my friend. If I want to meet someone? After this my friends Grandmother asked the guys parents there is a girl she’s ……. This, this, this. And they decided to give my number to the guys mum once approved by me. Now, it is awkward, don’t think it won’t be, those nerves will be running and you will be thinking about it for a bit. You know, you’re at the end of the day meeting a total stranger, someone you have never met. However, we did talk over whatsapp as the guy was pretty shy with the phone calls. He said he didn’t really use his phone much or talk. So, I went along, but then it got to the point we were messaging but never really could meet, being such socialites 2 weeks or so went by and both our parents were questioning have you met each other yet? I would have to say well the guy hasn’t called or done anything further. Then after the guy got told again by his mother, we finally met. Our first date was Covent Garden, when I initially met him, he was late. Yes, late on the first date!!! I thought ok, that’s something to note. But as the date went on, I offered to go watch football as it was his team playing, but due to no local screens we went to All Bar One in Covent Garden and had a drink. His team won in the end,so I was a lucky charm clearly. It was actually relaxed and we got on, he was really nice regardless of the timing. So we moved on to our favourite topic, desserts! Finding out we both love the same, we got on really well and the dating continued. It felt like I had known him for years after that. Now, it’s been nearly 2 years and yes we are married!!!

So, this semi-westernised way isn’t so bad. A lot of people feel dating is something that they can’t do or don’t have confidence in themselves to meet someone in this way. It is awkward and can be nerve racking but it’s not bad. Especially if you are not seeing anyone the worst would be you have to say “ sorry you’re not for me or Sorry I don’t think this is for us”.  You need to find the way to not force yourself, happily just go at the end of the day remember what is meant to be for you will be for you. I do believe that life is written out and what is meant to be yours will be. Some people have pride and thinking going on a date is less cool but to be honest it’s not. It’s a different way to meet people, nothing to be judgemental about. At the end of the day I’m happy, and so will you be. Confidence is key, be yourself who you are, obviously we all know you can’t show your true self but at least be who you want to be and say how you feel. A lot of the time when you try be someone you are not, is when the dating stops because you might not really be anything alike. Don’t hide away, it’ll only fade any future away too.

It’s not easy being set up by parents and they always want to know what’s going on. Sometimes you don’t mind being set up but it’s all the high hopes and expectations around you at the same time which put you off. I think parents need to realise we don’t want to be nagged all the time, I was happy to be set up but I hated coming home from work and being asked all the time so what happened, what now. You know when it doesn’t work, oh what did you do? Why not? Who will you like etc. But my parents realised some people were strange and not for me, so they generally wouldn’t give my number out which was nice to know. When I initially met my husband I didn’t tell my parents, I just went after work and met him, I didn’t have the stress of any questions and my parents had stopped asking. When I mentioned after the 2nd date we get on that’s when they really stopped but waited for me to talk, which was nice of them. I didn’t have hope in the dating way as it wasn’t something I would usually do just because of how much you hear and how awful it can be. Plus a lot of people I know had been set up on so many dates and they got to the point they really couldn’t be asked. You know I really do think it’s like a gamble, you can win or walk with nothing. No one will be able to judge if you will get along or not, it’s something you need to take a chance for. I think there are a few things that people stress about and there are a few tips below.

What to start the conversion with?

 

–           Hi, How are you?

–           What do you like doing out of work?

–           Where do you work?

–           What kind of food you like? (This was important to me as I’m a foodie- guess what so is he- Win Win for me)

–           What kind of music do you listen to?

–           How many siblings do you have?

–           Does your parents have big families?

–           Any siblings married? ….continue to kids if so…

General conversations will keep flowing from this.

Where to go on a first date? – The key to a great first date is picking a fun activity which is inexpensive as you ideally want this date to get to know someone…

 

–           Drink

–           If you don’t drink, Coffee?

–           I was shy off eating on my first date so I wanted to drink to be honest, so maybe snack?

–           Coffee and Park

–           Drink and Bar

–           Attend a local festival, convention or fair

Cinema probably ideal for 2nd date or 23rd, don’t really want to watch a movie especially if you don’t get on…

Questions to avoid on first few dates…

-Do you want kids? Like is this necessary at the moment, maybe few months in….

-Are you actually going to eat all of that, because you’re ordering a lot of food?

-How much did you say you weighed?

-Sooo…. How many people did you say you slept with?

-Do you believe in love at first sight? – Like seriously keep it cool!

-When did you lose your virginity? Like way too personal plus what if he/she hasn’t!

-What was your GPA? For one thing, a date is not a job interview and for another who cares? Some people don’t test well, and book smarts don’t always    correspond to real- world success.

– Do you believe in God? … Yes, religion maybe an important issue for you, but there is a time and place for this, and 9 times out of 10 first date is not the time.

– How much do you make? You’re trying to see how well you get along, not whether you want to hire the person. Finance talk is very rude and uncomfortable, so keep an career based conversation on the surface level.

Thanks for reading …. More dating posts to come along…

KB

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